As a manager or leader, you’re going to deal with conflicts. There’s no avoiding it, especially when people work closely with one another. Some managers say they spend up to 25% of their time resolving conflicts between employees. That’s a lot of time!
Here’s the thing about conflict: You have to take it seriously.
Employee conflict isn’t a distraction from your job. It’s part of your job. If you expect to work in leadership roles, you ought to get used to dealing with it. If you become a leader who excels at recognizing growing conflicts and diffusing problems, your team will always be more productive and less-stressed than other teams. Less stress also means happier teams, which I don’t know about you – but if my team is happy, I’m happy!
It’s easy to dismiss other people’s problems as “pettiness” or “drama.” We’re all guilty of that at some point, and we all have avoided someone because they “create so much drama.”
But that mentality doesn’t solve anything. It only isolates people. And isolation is not something we can tolerate in the workplace.
You might think “I can just fire people who create problems.” Technically, that’s a solution, but everyone has problems, so you’ll just create an environment with lots of stress and high turnover and retraining costs.
Imagine if you were struggling with a coworker and your boss said “Bob, stop being dramatic and go back to work.” How demoralized would you feel? You’d probably be browsing Monster.com that evening!
So, in order to resolve conflicts between people (whether it’s between other people or one of those parties is yourself), you have to assume that every problem is legitimate.
That doesn’t mean every problem requires a solution, or that every problem should be handled the same way. But it means that you must approach all conflicts with an honest attitude and a willingness to solve them.
For instance, let’s say Maria is upset that Jim uses her desk supplies and never returns them. Sure, her problem isn’t as big as, say, embezzlement or sexual harassment, but it is a serious problem for Maria that’s affecting her life and work.
Maria’s frustrating problem is probably manifesting in other ways, too. She may fail to invest herself in projects that involve Jim. She might delay responding to Jim’s emails or resist his ideas. There could be a general tension in the office that other employees can feel. Passive Aggression at its finest.
So, Maria’s problem isn’t “just drama” because it can have tangible effects on your business. Plus, Maria is a human who is entitled to healthy leadership from her manager and a comfortable work environment.
As a manager or leader, avoiding conflict is always a mistake. Left unchecked, conflict will erode your business.
Leadership advisor Matt Myatt says it perfectly: “Conflict rarely resolves itself – in fact, conflict normally escalates if not dealt with proactively and properly. It is not at all uncommon to see what might have been a non-event manifest itself into a monumental problem if not resolved early on.”
So how do you do it? Start with genuine concern. Show both parties that you take the problem seriously and want to uncover a solution that makes everyone comfortable at work.
Second, have everyone voice their concerns. In many cases, you’ll find that some parties aren’t even aware that another person is upset. Jim might not even know that Maria is frustrated with his behavior. Simply making Jim aware of the problem will probably solve it.
Third, use constructive language. Poor language: “OK, why are you guys so pissed off?” Good language: “I feel some tension and want to help make everyone more comfortable.” Address the problem, not the people with the problem. Take your emotions off the table. You must be objective.
Fourth, provide actionable solutions. “Be nice to one another” isn’t a solution. It’s what we tell children. You must give people goalposts to reach. You might say “Jim, please ask Maria before you borrow her supplies. Maria, if you feel Jim doesn’t respect your things, please let him know right away.”
Obviously, that’s an abridged version of the process. We discuss employee conflicts in more detail in our Leadership Training for Managers course. To see a full list of course offerings – Click Here!
Here’s the most important piece you should take away: No one thinks their own problems are drama. No one wants to be dismissed. Everyone wants their manager or leader to take their problems seriously.
Be that leader and your team will walk through hot coals for you.
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