Have you ever been in this situation before?
You hear through the grape vine that someone at work doesn’t think you like them. “That’s odd,” you think. “I don’t have a problem with that person. Why would they think that?”
Through some investigating (or maybe you were smart and went directly to the source), you learn that some people feel you’re a cold person because you walk briskly into the office each morning, failing to say, “good morning” or “hello” to anyone.
Maybe you have a lot on your mind. Maybe you’re eager to start your day. Maybe you assume you see those people enough that simple pleasantries aren’t necessary anymore. For whatever reason, you come off as aggressive and distant.
If you haven’t been in that situation, you probably know someone who has. Or you’ve been in a similar situation where your actions and words didn’t match your feelings and intentions, which caused a misunderstanding or miscommunication.
These situations can be maddeningly frustrating. No one wants to play politics. No one wants to parse every word or expression, but you have to work with your colleagues. If you aren’t approachable, the work will suffer.
This problem is compounded for leaders. If the team doesn’t respect its leader, that leader’s effectiveness will erode over time. No one works hard for someone they don’t like.
The takeaway here is that perception matters.
If your behavior makes you seem angry, cold, miserable, or depressed, then for all intents and purposes, you are. It doesn’t matter if you spend your day thinking about puppies and rainbows. Other people can only judge you by your behavior.
Does that mean you should force a smile all day, pretend to be happy, and drop cute witticisms? No, that’s actually unhealthy. But you should find ways to let what you feel inside show on the outside.
(And if what you feel inside does match those negative qualities, speak to someone who can help.)
Furthermore, if you find yourself in situations like we mentioned before, you should work to become more socially aware. It would be nice if everyone could leave their egos and feelings at the door, but that isn’t practical. If a coworker’s or employee’s behavior isn’t normal, ask yourself why and if you have anything to do with it.
Relationships are important, even in the workplace. Forty or fifty years ago, it wasn’t unusual to have teams led by bosses who were gruff, commanding, and unyielding. The whole concept of leadership has changed since then. People don’t want to be pushed toward a goal. They want to be engaged, incentivized, inspired, and empowered. They expect positive relationships.
How do we know? Look at any team with aggressive, narcissistic, forceful, or otherwise unpleasant leaders. The symptoms are always the same: Poor output, high turnover, and little employee investment. Like we said, no one works hard for (or with) someone they don’t like.
So, whether you’re part of a team or its leader, you have to accept that perception is important. We can’t tell you exactly which behaviors will make your coworkers comfortable. You’ll have to figure that out for yourself.
The best strategy is to keep your eyes open and look for abnormalities. Are people distant? Do they avoid you at lunch? Do they talk behind your back? If so, consider how you can engage them to repair your relationship and improve the team’s performance.
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