9 Tips To Maintaining Your Emotional Control During Turbulent Times:
1. Do not share negative emotions on the phone (or their voicemail) or via someone's e-mail (especially e-mail). What someone feels when they listen to a message or read something can be significantly different than when you talk with them face to face.
2. Preface your comments with this: "I understand that..." Doing so will prevent you from putting the other person on the defensive and help you find common ground to form a compromise or come to an agreement.
3. Understand and be aware of how you are feeling should the person you are talking to make you feel frustrated, upset or concerned. We also suggest that you resist the urge to defend yourself or "shut down" the other person's communication.
4. Ask the other party if "you can request" something from them. Positioning your rebuttal or conversation with this non-demanding phrase puts the other party in a better position to accept your wishes.
5. Stay focused on what the other person is saying. Use their exact words as a way to maintain everyone's center of attention of what the "root" issues are that caused the problem.
6. Take 100% responsibility for what you are feeling in regards to the situation. You should also tell the person how you felt when something happened. Now be careful with the words you choose. Here is an example, "I feel frustrated when you come in twenty minutes late and you don't call me." This is much better than saying, "I get really mad at you for being late all the time."
7. Remind yourself that self-control is a learned technique. The more often you are able to take control of your response, the easier it gets.
8. If you are truly upset or frustrated to the point where you feel like you are going to "snap" at a person, it is best to take a full 24-hours before discussing the situation with them. We all know that time has a way of healing emotions and it will allow you to objectively sort-out the situation.
9. Don't bring up other things in the past as a way to "pile on" things to make your case. It is best to only deal with one thing at a time rather than saying, "This happened last year, and this happened the year before..." Keep yourself in check with the current issues.
The 4 Competencies To Help Keep Your Emotions Intact During A Conflict:
1. Conflict Resolution: Those who are able to maintain control of their emotions are able to create harmony in stressful situations. They are also able to bring people together who have been separated by their differences.
2. Stress Management: Those who are able to maintain control of their emotions are able to differentiate between positive and negative stress. They also maintain a balance between productive and unproductive attitudes and behaviors.
3. Interpersonal Skills: Those who are able to maintain control of their emotions are able to display a consistent ability to build solid relationships of trust and respect inside and outside the organization.
4. Communication: Those who are able to maintain control of their emotions are able to help individuals and the organization through active listening; this is supported with meaningful oral and written presentation of information.
Summary: Maintaining emotional control when dealing with a conflict is probably the most important step, and the most difficult. You can reduce escalation of negative attitudes by understanding and controlling your emotions and composure when dealing with a turbulent situation.
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