Most people in the world are reactive.
Most people wait until events happen to them before they respond.
They figure out how to pay the bill once it arrives, rather than budget. They fix the car when it breaks, rather than maintain it. They are caught off guard when they are offered a promotion, asked out on a date, or reach retirement age (who knew that was coming!).
Most people are responding to the world as it happens, not deliberately shaping it.
This is because most people aren’t mindful. They are not focused on what they want. In fact, many people don’t even know what they want.
You’ve probably heard jokes about people with “five year plans.” I admit those seem silly. Our lives aren’t goals on a spreadsheet, are they?
But those five year planners have the right idea. They are proactive, focused people. They have decided what they want in life. They’ve put it on paper so they can look at it every day. Most importantly, they get the satisfaction of crossing items off their list when they achieve those goals.
Whether you’re a student, professional, parent, friend, leader, or anything else, you have to figure out what you want so you know what to work toward. If you don’t set goals, all of your struggling to achieve is mindless water-treading.
Once you determine what you want in life, your next job is to list the steps you need to achieve those goals.
Let’s say you want a new car. Financing will cost $250/month, but there’s no room in your budget. Do you abandon your dream because it’s not possible? Do you mope around the house, lamenting about your poverty?
No, of course not. You have to be mindful. You have to focus on what you want. How do you secure that car payment? What do you have to do to make $250/month, or an extra $60/week?
A few extra hours at work could pay for that, or maybe a slight salary bump in exchange for some extra responsibilities. Maybe you could lower the payment with a longer term or negotiate the interest rate with another lender. There are lots of ways to make your dream happen instead of waiting for it.
The point is that focusing on the things you want is the best way to achieve them. If you sit by and just let things happen to you, you’ll never achieve your dreams.
It works the other way, too. Focusing on things you don’t want is distracting.
When we focus on criticisms, our doubts, worries, judgments, fears, anxiety, anger, or discomfort, we disempower ourselves. We end up accepting these feelings not as temporary states, but as part of ourselves. There’s a saying you’ve probably heard that’s applicable here: “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Furthermore, focusing on what we don’t want doesn’t define what we want. This is a bad goal: “I don’t want debt.” That doesn’t put you on a path to having more money. It doesn’t even put you on a path to avoiding debt. Here’s a better goal: “I want to eliminate my debt.” Even better: “I want to save $10,000 this year.”
So how do you focus?
- Recognize when you’re not. Take a breath and reorient yourself. Say “What do I want?” Then, “How do I make that happen?”
- Before you take action (make a phone call, enter a meeting, attend a class, meet with friends, or anything meaningful), determine what you want out of the engagement.
- At work or school, generate goals that solve bigger business problems. Don’t be reactive here just to survive the month or year. Think big. This even works with relationships, but be prepared to be flexible because you’re dealing with another person.
- Put your goals on paper. They can be short-term or long-term. They can be as simple or complex as you like, but put them down so you can hold yourself accountable.
Focus and mindfulness, like other skills, can be exercised and grown. Over time you’ll get better at it. With practice, they become easier. Even more, you’ll be rewarded by their effectiveness and incentive to further clarify your goals and focus on them.
You’ll become a proactive person who shapes the world.
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